Pillow Talk
by JJdracula
Summary: 'Nico staying awake at night wasn't a rare occurrence but there was something about this pensive silence that disturbed Leo. It was different to the usual calm that overcame the demigod once he was next to his boyfriend in bed.' - A one-shot about 3400 words long. Valdangelo pairing. 1 swear word and suggestive themes towards the end. Artwork by Viria.


**Hi, guys. I'm really trying to improve my writing so it would be super helpful if you could leave a review. Tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, what I should work on. It's all helpful. Constructive criticism is welcome. I hope you enjoy :)**

The moment that Leo opened his eyes he knew that he'd only had a few hours sleep. Just like he knew that Nico had been lying on his back and staring at the ceiling for the majority of that time. Sighing sadly to himself he rolled over to face his boyfriend, squinting at his shadow in the dark. Nico was lying perfectly still beside him, his hands folded neatly on his bare chest. The moonlight filtering through the room's only window was highlighting the bruises and scratches from Tartarus that still hadn't healed properly. Leo thought this made the boy look extremely vulnerable. People were so used to seeing Nico walking around in layers of unnecessarily thick clothing that they often forgot the evidence of pain and abuse that lay underneath it all.

Leo was the only person that Nico would show his scars to. They ran too deep for him to feel comfortable about flaunting them. And although Leo loved the level of trust it showed, he didn't know if he'd ever get used to seeing how much damage had been done to his boyfriend. He sighed again softly and shifted under the covers so that he could bury his head in the crook of Nico's neck. Realizing Nico was shivering slightly he pulled the blankets from his waist up to his shoulders, draping an arm across his chest as he did so. Nico was always cold and keeping him warm had become Leo's responsibility. A responsibility that he really didn't mind taking on. Nico made a soft sound in his throat as the warmth trapped under the blankets washed over him. He hugged Leo's arm tighter to his body.

"I didn't mean to wake you up." He murmured into Leo's hair.

"Don't be stupid." Leo replied groggily, his voice was muffled and his lips brushed against Nico's neck as he spoke. "Of course you didn't. You've been laying there in silence for the whole freaking night." he stopped talking and let out a huff of breath, Nico squirmed a little as it tickled him. Leo smiled at the childlike gesture but his smile didn't last long. Nico staying awake at night wasn't a rare occurrence but there was something about this pensive silence that disturbed Leo. It was different to the usual calm that overcame the demigod once he was next to his boyfriend in bed.

"Get some sleep, Nico…" Leo whispered, moving his hand to twist a lock of Nico's hair through his fingers. He felt Nico's body tense up slightly as he spoke so he dropped the hand that was in his hair and drew it back towards his own body. After all this time, Nico still jumped when somebody touched him unexpectedly. Leo knew when he was pushing Nico's boundaries and he had no problem with pulling back when he needed to but it still stung a little. He rolled away from Nico, returning to his side of the bed. Nico glanced over at him but didn't speak. The couple lay quietly for a while, Leo now mimicking his boyfriend, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling too. After a few minutes he felt himself drifting back to sleep. Nico's voice suddenly snapped him back to consciousness.

"I can't…" he said sadly, his voice hoarse from laying in silence for so long.

"You can't sleep?" Leo cast his mind back, trying to remember what Nico was replying to. He twisted to face Nico again and propped himself up on his elbow. The boy was still staring at the ceiling. Leo was starting to get worried. He could feel a bubble of anxiety growing in his chest.

"It's not like I can't," Nico said. He was talking so quietly that he was almost whispering. "I just… I don't want to. I keep having these… _nightmares_… although they're not nightmares… they're things that have happened to me but it's like I'm reliving them… it's like somebody's torturing me… like somebody is putting these things inside of my head just to… I just…" He trailed off and took a deep, shaky breath.

Leo chewed on his lip uneasily. As he watched Nico talk his expression seemed to morph from disinterested to terrified in a matter of seconds. It upset Leo to think that maybe somebody _was_ forcing Nico to relive these memories. If that was true then there was nothing he could do about it. For a moment he wished he lived in a world where that wasn't distinctly possible. Any number of gods could be manipulating Nico's nightmares. Then again, it could just be some form of PTSD. Leo secretly hoped it was. At least then he had some kind of chance at helping him. Maybe one day Nico could sleep in peace again.

"Nico…" Leo said softly, his arm was starting to go numb so he sat up straight, shaking it absentmindedly. "I wish I could help you, just tell me what you need." He couldn't keep the pleading tone out of his voice. He was always so desperate to help but Nico very rarely let him try.

The mattress creaked as Nico pushed himself into sitting position too. Leo's brow creased with worry as he heard Nico struggling to lift his own weight. When he'd finally sat himself up Leo wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller demigod's shoulders. He was trying to steady and comfort him but despite Nico leaning into his embrace, it didn't feel like he was doing either.

"I don't know what I need…" Nico muttered dejectedly, he sounded like he was crying but Leo knew he wasn't. Nico was very careful not to cry in front of other people. Leo had only ever seen Nico cry once before, despite how close they had become. "I need not to have gone through what I went through… I need to not hurt and to not have nightmares… I need to know how I can fix myself because everywhere hurts, Leo. _Existing_ is painful…" he stuttered to a stop and let out a breath that Leo took for a laugh. "I'm sorry, Leo. I'm sorry for making everything so hard on you."

Leo noticed miserably, just how sad Nico sounded.

"Nico. Don't be so ridiculous." He said firmly. He tightened his hold on Nico's shoulder and pulled him in closer. Leo could feel the cold seeping through his shirt as Nico's body was pressed against his. "I will _always_ be there for the people that I care about, you know that. And we're Demigods. We all have our shit to deal with, it's not your fault that you're messed up. We're all messed up in our own ways and we're all trying to deal with it to-" Leo stopped talking as Nico grabbed his shirt and pulled him into a kiss. His icy hands made their way to his hair as he became desperate to deepen it. Leo took the hint and opened his mouth, his breath coming in gasps now. All worry completely forgotten. When Nico was kissing him that was all that mattered. One of his hands was running distractedly up Nico's chest while the other tugged at the waistline of his sweatpants. Nico took in a sharp breath then broke away abruptly. He shrank back from Leo and sat on his knees taking deep, uneven breaths.

"What?" Leo asked breathlessly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Nico muttered as his breathing steadied. "It's nothing." He closed his eyes for a few seconds, seeming to mentally shake himself. When he opened his eyes again Leo held out his arms hesitantly, inviting Nico back into them. Nico shook his head and fell back onto the bed, resuming his previous position of staring at the ceiling.

"That was cruel. I'm sorry." He said quietly. Leo ran his hands through his hair, wisps of smoke unfurling above him as he singed the oil still coating a few of his curls. He was frustrated with how sporadic his boyfriend could be and frustrated that Nico still couldn't share things with him. It was overwhelming trying to care for somebody constantly when you weren't even sure if they wanted to be taken care of. And once again Nico had instigated contact only to be completely terrified by it a few minutes later. That was frustrating too but in a completely different way. Leo kept reminding himself that it wasn't Nico's fault. But when Nico didn't cooperate with him, he felt like he had the right to be angry.

"Nico, what is it?" He asked. An edge to his voice. He hoped that Nico would pick up on the edge and respond. When he was met by silence he decided to lie back down again too. He pulled hard at the comforter so that they were both clumsily covered and rolled over so that his back was to his boyfriend. After a few tense minutes Nico reached out and started running his fingers through Leo's hair. They kept getting caught in the knots.

"You would have loved the old me." He said finally.

"What?" Leo asked. A trace of anger in his voice. He rolled over to face Nico again and was surprised to see tear tracks making their way down his face. His anger dissolved as quickly as it came. Wondering if it was a good sign or not that Nico was now comfortable enough to cry in front of him he shifted a little closer. The bubble of anxiety quickly re inflating.

"You would have loved the old me." Nico said again, a little louder this time, he was still facing the ceiling but Leo could make out his troubled expression. When Leo didn't answer him he carried on talking. His voice so shaky and uncertain that Leo could barely make sense of the words. "I was so happy, and enthusiastic and geeky. I used to collect these little figurines of the Greek gods. I had all of the gods except…" He trailed off and cleared his throat. "I had all of the figurines but one." He said firmly. "I was loud and excited by everything and I don't think there was anything I didn't really love and I made jokes all the time and… And you're stuck with this me… and I'm sorry that I'm a crappy boyfriend. I'm sorry that I forget that you need me too sometimes. I'm sorry that I forget important things and get angry quickly. I'm sorry that I get scared. I'm sorry that I flinch when you touch me; I know it upsets you." Leo opened his mouth to protest but Nico could see him in his peripheral vision. He raised his voice a little and carried on. "Don't give me that look. I know it does. And I really am sorry. I'm sorry I don't share everything with you… I… I will one day… I just… talking about certain things means…" he swallowed loudly as more tears broke free and made their way down his cheeks. "Well, it means remembering them. Acknowledging they happened… and I'm not ready to do that. You… you deserve so much better." he finished, turning his head on the pillow to gauge Leo's reaction. Their noses were nearly touching. Leo frowned into the darkness.

"Nico. Stop that right now." He ordered. Nico opened his mouth but Leo cut him off. "I swear to the Gods, Nico. If you don't stop I will find all four of the Twilight books and read them to you one by one." He paused for a second, thinking, "And you'll be gagged so that you can't talk over Stephanie Meyer's masterpiece." He added, grinning as Nico's face lit up with a smile, the tear tracks on his cheeks shining in the moonlight. Leo pulled one of his arms from under the covers and wiped the tears away, letting his hand come to rest on Nico's neck. Nico sniffed and scrubbed at his cheeks as the last few tears made their way down them. The motion left them a little red. The colour made him look ten times younger than he was, Leo could almost see the enthusiastic, bright eyed child that he had spoken about.

"Leo, how do you know how many books there are and how do you know who wrote them?" He asked suspiciously. His eyes were still shining with tears but they looked happy now.

Leo laughed, feigning nervousness.

"Uh… lucky guesses?" he shrugged, his shoulder rubbing against the mattress.

"Yeah, sure." Nico smiled, making eye contact with his boyfriend for the first time since he'd broken away from their kiss. "I'm pretty sure you just established yourself as the female in this relationship." Leo felt his face light up when he saw Nico smiling. And when Leo's smile widened, Nico's did too. They were feeding off of each other's happiness.

"Oh shush," Leo laughed. He was about to lean forward and kiss Nico on the nose but he stopped short, hesitating to ask Nico silently whether this would be okay. Nico leaned forwards instead and pointedly kissed Leo on _his_ nose.

"Just for the record, Nico." Leo said, losing his smile and becoming serious again. He touched his forehead to Nico's, his thumb still tracing absentminded patterns on his neck. "I love you _now_. I don't care who you were before. You're absolutely perfect and I love you. I really truly do. And if I had a different version of you here right now, I might love that one too. But I might not. This version of you, this one right here is the one that I fell in love with and it's the one that I continue to love."

Nico was about to reply when Leo clapped a hand over his boyfriends mouth.

"Nu uh, Ghost King. No more angst tonight! Okay?" Nico looked startled and for a second Leo was horrified by what he'd done. He was usually so careful about touching Nico and he'd just forcibly blocked Nico's airways without warning. His eyes widened with worry but to his relief Nico didn't seem to be affected by the contact. He gently prized Leo's hand off of his face, making a big show of gasping for air, not seeming to notice his concern.

"All jokes about my father aside, Leo, I'm _not_ dead. I need oxygen, y'know!"

"I know," Leo said, relaxing again and shoving Nico gently with his shoulder. "Stop being over dramatic, I was barely touching you!" Nico grinned and Leo felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his chest. It was such a rare thing to see Nico smiling and it made Leo feel so incredible to know that he was the one to make him beam like that. He shifted closer to his boyfriend, trying to get comfortable so that he could get back to sleep, when he realized that he wasn't even a little bit tired anymore.

"Sooo…" He said, twisting his head on the pillow to look Nico in the eyes again. "You can't sleep, huh?" Nico raised an eyebrow, motioning for Leo to continue. "Well, you see…" He propped himself up on his elbow to get a better look at Nico's face. "I'm not tired anymore and once again, we find ourselves in bed together… while everybody else on this boat is either asleep or on deck. Do you see where I'm going with this?" He smiled flirtingly, even though he was half expecting Nico to back away again. Nico didn't move but he averted his gaze, not looking Leo in the eye. He was playing with the fraying hem of the comforter and examining the threads intently.

"Leo. I _really_ do want to. I just… I'm so sorry if I jump or flinch or push you away. It's… it shouldn't even be a big deal. Most of the time it isn't. Most of the time I like you touching me." He sighed loudly and let go of the comforter, dropping his hands to his chest. Leo could see him blushing even in the darkness of the room. After all this time, talking about things like sex still made Nico glow with embarrassment. Leo found it adorable. "Just…" Nico carried on, "Sometimes things make me jump. I don't know why, they just do. And that's what scares me. Okay? It isn't you."

"Nico, _of course_ it's okay!" Leo couldn't believe the uncertainty on the boy's face, like he seriously thought he might not accept this explanation. "Look… I can't tell you I understand. I mean… I've never been through anything like the things that you've been through. But I understand that stuff like that leaves its mark. I never want to push you into doing anything you aren't comfortable with, even if it's just holding hands. Who cares if we've done it before? You'll always be able to tell me if I'm getting too close, or that you don't want me holding your hand or putting my arm around you. You know that. It's fine with me. The important thing is that you want to do this stuff. You do want to, right?" Leo asked. Nico nodded and turned his head on the pillow, looking back to his boyfriends face, just inches from his own. "And you're okay with me touching you now?" Leo confirmed. Nico nodded again, not breaking eye contact with his boyfriend. Leo leaned forwards and kissed Nico softly, nipping at his bottom lip then trailing kisses across his cheek, moving down to kiss his neck. While he was doing this he shifted slightly so that he was hovering above Nico rather than lying next to him.

"So this is okay?" He asked between kisses, his lips brushing Nico's skin. His voice was muffled.

"Yes." Nico replied breathlessly. Leo smiled to himself and worked his way back to Nico's mouth, breaking away when Nico pushed himself up into the kiss. Leo's hand was slowly trailing its way down Nico's chest and he looked down at it pointedly.

"And _this_ is okay?" he asked, teasingly. His fingers ghosting the skin above the waistline of Nico's pyjama trousers. Nico nodded, biting down on his bottom lip. Leo grinned, his hand venturing down just a few inches more. Nico gasped.

"And is- wha - _Nico_!" Leo was cut off by Nico throwing the comforter to the floor. He rolled on top of his boyfriend and kissed him fiercely, ignoring his shout of surprise. It only took a few seconds of shock for Leo to start reacting, he kissed back, completely willing to let Nico dominate him. Nico's hands pulled Leo's shirt clumsily over his head before finding his hair again.

"Oh miei dei!" He whispered breathlessly. His hands tangled in his boyfriends curls as sparks lit up the room. Leo's hands were growing alarmingly hot against his back but his skin was always so cold. The heat felt good. He could feel the burns his boyfriends fingers were leaving as they danced up and down his spine, tracing the complicated patterns of overlapping scars, and he relished them. Leo's hands moved distractedly from Nico's back to his chest. He pushed at Nico a little so that he leant back and broke the kiss. Sitting up straight, he looked down at Leo lying beneath him. He seemed slightly put out. Like he was frustrated that he'd been forced to stop.

"I love you _now_, Nico! _Now_! Okay?" Nico's expression changed. He looked happy now, instead of irritated. His eyes glowed as he took in what Leo was saying. "I don't care about who you were, I don't even care about who you're going to become. I love you! I'll always love you! No matter what!" Nico smiled, his breathing was fast and shallow, his eyes were shining bright with desire and happiness.

"You love me no matter what?" He asked, leaning back over his boyfriend so that his hair created a curtain. Shielding them from the rest of the world. It was only them. Leo nodded. Nico's hands were on his chest, his fingers splayed. He lifted his arms and took both of Nico's hands in his own, pulling them from his chest and squeezing them reassuringly. Nico leaned forwards and kissed Leo gently before grinning against his boyfriend's lips.

"I love you too, Leo. More than you will ever know."


End file.
